goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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