took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
