I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
