we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
