were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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