SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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