im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
