I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
