Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
nutella sex= disaster
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
