I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
