thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Randomize
