Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
