i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
