Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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