I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
