i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
