I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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