They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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