First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
