I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
