You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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