do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
17 year olds will be the death of me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
