it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All the doctor said was why
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
