i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
