there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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