Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she peed on how many people?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
