Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
