Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
