Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
