My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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