I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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