i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
