Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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