It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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