I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
