So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
