hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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