all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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