Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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