Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
