i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
