Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
