You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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