I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
