Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
