her facebook's as public as her vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
