Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
