Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
