dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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