a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
