he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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