hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
