Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize