he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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