fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize