just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
