By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm at about main and main street
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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