Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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