I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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