butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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