I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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