Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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