Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
