the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize