Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
from now on my penis is your penis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
