i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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