Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
