My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
