3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
