Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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