I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
