just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
