im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize