Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
