Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
